Fabricate news to swing midterm elections
On our government, quite a reflection
With North Korea our talks often ramble
We shoot at every passing desert camel
Who will be left to pour my Slurpee confection?
To attend EZU you gotta be buzzin’
They measure their SAT scores by the dozen
They wish they were a real school
But their students mouth-breathe and drool
In Greenville they let you marry your cousin
Once there lived a monster with no neck
He was dumb, loud and obnoxious as heck
His favorite big word was literally
He led in a way referred to as pitifully
Now he’ll have to sell knishes off Hooters’ deck
There’s no better sport than bocce
You can play it while using a hibachi
I turned pro and ruled bocce lawns
‘Til I could do it while fighting back yawns
To lie about your career, consult Literace
Another close call for my star-crossed Mets
Cheering for them is a good way to lose bets
It’s “Wait ‘til next year!” once again
Hell, I don’t know if I can
When I watch them I sound like I have Tourette’s
There once was this kid named Will
ReplyDeleteWho couldn't get in to Chapel Hill
He tried pretty hard
But was dumb as a 'tard
So he ended up in Greenville
There once was a chick in Mass.
ReplyDeleteCasie is the name of the lass
She gave some small child a boner
A bathrobe we problly should loan her
So little boys don't stare at her ass
Man you are prolific there Scooter. I don't think "can" and "again" rhyme too well but the others were excellent as always even at my own expense.
ReplyDeleteBrandow yours sucks balls, really. 8-)
There once was a fella named Doug
ReplyDeleteWhose weenus was as big as a jug
He would usually stare at Casie
Imagining her in something lacey
Asking things like do the curtians match the rug
These limericks are quite funny today
ReplyDeleteThey made me laugh I have to say
brent is definitely on his game
and scooters are far from lame
geesh I hope I can get work done I just pray
There once was a dude named Chuck Stanley
ReplyDeleteWho struggled with being unmanly
He had dates every day
But never got play
Willl a girl get drunk enough to have his family?
hahahahahahahaha
ReplyDeletei love limmerick fridays!
Come on Will! I'm starting to feel guilty about this public shaming:-)
ReplyDeleteThere once was a boy named Will
Who was looking for a girl to fill
But guzzling pumpkin lattes all night
Is as romantic a as a karate fight
At least his dates don't waste cash on the pill
There once was a writer named Dave
ReplyDeleteWho toiled away like a slave
He had a hack boss named Jack
Who sputtered and twitched like on crack
Porn, his life it does save
Just to get some points on the board here's my three point field goal...
ReplyDeleteThere once was a boy named Brandow
who wished he had the height of a man though,
he shoots off at the lip
on some grass he could trip
he's actually shorter then my shadow
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ReplyDeleteI know this guy named Willie
ReplyDeleteHis blog about dating is just silly
he looks for love on the net
much poon he does not get
his empty bed must get chilly
There once was a fat ass named Evan
ReplyDeletewho wakes up for work around 11
he never helps clean the house
when alone he tries on his wife’s blouse
and spanks it to 7th Heaven
There once was this cat named Scoogs
ReplyDeleteWhose Reeboks got pumped by some dudes
He'll criticize your browser
He wants to be Doogie Howser
It's sad he's never seen boobs
i feel like i am in the middle of a limerick battle...damn
ReplyDeleteoes anyone know a Scoogle
ReplyDeletehe bought his degree from Froogle
he really went to that school in the mountains
where the moonshine flows from fountains
he'll never rank better than me in Google
There is a guy named Tony Austin
ReplyDeleteLike me he hates that team in Boston
He used to write us Haiku's
but now he just Poo-Poohs
Seattle he must be lost in.
Once was a perv named Brent
ReplyDeletewith teeth as yellow as gold mint
I guess when out of the rat race
you forgo hygiene and stare at kids on myspace
his belly button is backed up with lint
There once was a baldy named Will
ReplyDeleteWhen alone his seed he did spill
His combover was riddled with lice
He's been to 2nd no more than twice
Probably has something to do ith his grill
oes anyone know a Scoogle
ReplyDeletehe bought his degree from Froogle
he really went to that school in the mountains
where the moonshine flows from fountains
he'll never rank better than me in Google
That is f#$kin' classic...
Someone is jealous i work from home
ReplyDeleteits the dood with the bald dome
His limmericks he tries hard to rhyme
but he's really just wasting his time.
maybe one day he'll make a girl moan
There once was a guy from Denver
ReplyDeleteTo move to Raleigh he said never
He brought all his turtlenecks
But was told not to wear them by some rednecks
And now he can’t even enjoy a Starbucks coffee because Brent the All-Knowing-Fashion-Police, Disney World & Rice Krispy Treat hater said it’s not cool to drink flavored coffee.
(I find it very hard to rhythm when I’m angry)
There once was an office Down Juan named Scooter
ReplyDeletewho dated co-workers as often as Foley hit page pooter
as much as they'd wish it would end
Scooter comes back again and again
his pick up line, "I finally stopped coming a lot sooner."
Poor Will, no one ever taught him to spell
ReplyDeleteHe’s bald, yet still uses hair gel
Looks like that weird thing from “Lord of the Rings”
He cries fairy tears until it stings
Sucks to be stuck in your own private hell
will met this little girly
ReplyDeleteher hair was kinda curly
went to her house
to bust her out
he had to leave there early
i like how Steve starts out good but then gets all pissed and goes off. 8-)
ReplyDeleteEveryone loses Evan with plagarism...Run DMC
ReplyDeleteThere once was a pilot named Steve
ReplyDeleteBad breath was his pet peeve
His wife pounds down wine
While the sauceboxes dine on swine
When asked how much she drank she said "threeve"
somenone is jealous you keeping getting bigger
ReplyDeletewhile your wife's the real bread winner
you kickback sunkists
and blame xbox for limp wrists
I think for once you should cook dinner
Will is not that witty
ReplyDeletemy wife must have felt pitty
she wrote that last limerick
he is just not that slick
will he ever get some in this city?
Yes Scooter I do not spell check
ReplyDeletefor that he gives me holly heck
I'm shocked through his bad eyes
that he sees at all, what a suprise
he's so nerdy he should be a tech
oh yes evan i did write my limerick
ReplyDeleteso please put a sock in it
you can go grow another chin
while watching CNN
but stop trying on you're wife's lipstick
A jackass he’s the only one who can’t tell
ReplyDeleteHis dates too kind to mention his smell
Hangs with a bunch of guys in the Jaycees
Moon each other like a bunch of hayseeds
Did he ever ask himself if he’s a Tinker Bell?
Scooter is whiter then sour cream
ReplyDeletehe makes Seasame Street look real mean
I'd offer him some clearasil
but it interfers with the pill
that makes sex by himself serene
nothing but love for ya hommies, so nothing personal, don't mean no harm so don't sound no alarms..woooord to ya mutha.
I have gotten some play
ReplyDeletethe stories of which i won't say
but rest assured i smacked some ass
like NC State Felons on a weekend pass
but i need more soon b/c the last was in May
Brent said it himself, he's a quitter
ReplyDeleteA roundhouse kick didn’t make him any fitter
His feet couldn’t touch the pedals
His dancing wouldn’t win him any medals
So now he spends his day busting on Will.
Will has a blog about datin'
ReplyDeleteHe's trying but all those women are hatin'
It's all good cuz you're the man
And you almost got the master plan
Just tell them byches you ain't playin'
Scoogle has read your limmericks
ReplyDeleteand hope you all got good kicks
but making fun of my pumps
really puts me down in the dumps
and so what i went to school in the sticks
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete